Lifestyles and the Choices made

First and foremost this is a libertarian minded blog. That’s a lower case libertarian apart from the political party. It’s a philosophy. There is currently a case that, like most arguments in this country, falls on the left/right spectrum. The libertarian philosophy falls on neither in my opinion. A libertarian can look from outside the spectrum and pick apart both sides. This isn’t fence sitting. I have a clear and direct opinion. No coercion. It’s simple. It’s why I’m against the ACA (Left leaning legislation) but also against The Patriot Act or War on Drugs (Right leaning legislation). The current case in question involves the ACA, exercise of religious freedom, and whether it’s okay to force someone to pay for things they don’t agree with or believe in. It’s the Hobby Lobby Case.

First, i’m going to tell a story. I’m a stoic man with magnificent facial hair. Stories are kind of my thing. This story involves an ex-girlfriend and birth control. Don’t worry, I’m not hiding the fact this a chance to air out some past frustration while also making a point. This is my blog and I write what I want. This is The South Park Elementary News Paper and I’m Eric Cartman.

So I had this girlfriend some years back. I met her and we hit it off pretty quickly. We dated and then made it official. Somewhere in the few weeks it took to make that transition she let me know she was leaving for two and a half years. She was a liberal (more specifically a progressive, since even conservatives and libertarians are liberal in the strict interpretation of the definition of a liberal). She was goal and career oriented, independent, and of course on birth control (only relevant because of the issue at hand). She had goals and didn’t want to obstruct them. Good for her. I dug her. I never understood why her personal independence didn’t permeate into her politics and expectations of others, but you know, women. It was the pretty ideal situation at first. She did a lot of traveling before she left and was leaving for good in a short time. There wasn’t much commitment to be had. Then something happened. The conversations started to reflect the possibility of staying together. I almost bailed at this point. It just seemed impossible. I surely wasn’t her first or probably not even a single digit notch on her belt and to have this conversation made it seem way too much of a commitment to someone who I felt couldn’t possibly reciprocate this. She wanted me to meet her parents and family for goodness sake! I thought we were just having fun. We talked about it at length one evening and despite all my reservations I stuck with it. The point of all this is that I got to watch her prepare for her life abroad which brought joy and pain. I’m going to get this out of the way. I fell in love with her. I’m all weirded out now. Emotions…..Moving on.

During this time I started to notice a trend. We’d go back and forth on whether to stay in contact. I didn’t want it for the longest time and then brought it up a few months after rejecting her requests for a while. She had reservations like “What if I’m dating someone else?” I said I didn’t care but then thought, well, you’ve actually kind of planned this out haven’t you? What happened to you wanting to stay together? Anyway, she also did something else one day. We went to the pharmacy and ordered her birth control to be shipped to the country she was going to for her Peace Corps life. Why she wanted me there still baffles me. Was she telling me something? Was she throwing it in my face that she was going to go abroad and have sex with other people while away? I’m not naive. She was a pretty girl who was going to another country for something like 867 days (but who’s counting?) But have a little decency and not just throw it at me. I would ask her why she needed it so bad and if she feared having babies in that country. She would play the sadness card or spin it “I need it for health purposes, etc…” I can see that but most of the health purposes from what i can gather are pretty uneventful things like regulating her monthly stuff so it’s always predictable and on time and in my male mind just tells me “She knows when she can have sex and not get pregnant.” She never really explained it further leaving me at this conclusion. I could be wrong, but this is my blog and my thoughts. It’s not hate or ignorance it’s just the thoughts and information I’ve gathered. Moving on…

So she moves and then texts me and asks me to call her and writes me a letter and then most people can probably predict what happened when I wrote and texted back over time. It fell apart rapidly. I ended up heartbroken and now we haven’t spoke or communicated in a few years. Not that I haven’t tried from time to time to just say hi. I sent her a copy of a comic book I helped write not to try and win her back but because I promised I would before she even left. No doubt in my mind she found someone else to cuddle up to and I was just a distant memory, despite her insistence otherwise. I didn’t ask her to stay for various reasons but mainly because I knew her. I knew why a woman would want birth control on her elsewhere and how bull-headed she was and how much she enjoyed, well, that thing men and women do whether she was very picky or not. I don’t know for sure but it seemed pretty obvious and I view relationships in a way that just wouldn’t vibe with it. I only concerned myself with the time we spent together and how happy I was in those moments, but I had to let it go eventually.

It’s a choice. It’s a choice to do the dirty and block any chance of the biological consequences coming to fruition. It’s not a dire medical neccessity. Especially not in this case. She was a fully healthy individual and this scenario kind of shaped how I view birth control these days which brings me to the Hobby Lobby Case. Like me, they’re not against contraception. Their current healthcare plan covers 93% of contraception with a small co-pay. Their reasons for not wanting to cover the other 7% may differ from why I agree with them (they’re religious oriented, I’m just against forcing anybody to do something they don’t believe in) but I come to a common ground with them. This isn’t taking away coverage at all and certainly isn’t taking away coverage of life saving chemo or breast exams or any other neccessities. This based on a lifestyle choice. Even if a girl is a virgin who never sleeps with anybody and decides to get contraception she’s making the choice to not get pregnant. Some men who have no children decide to get vasectomies to ensure they never have children. That’s a lifestyle choice and no one should have to pay for it if they don’t want. There are plenty of companies who will adopt coverage that covers your contraception (male and female) but no one/company should have to if they do not feel it’s right. I later had another girlfriend buy a Plan B. I had to readdress my principles after this. I felt so wrong in that moment. I paid for it as at the moment I felt was the right thing to do. Any women who wanted that I probably wouldn’t want to raise a child with anyway. May seem harsh and I didn’t like doing it but I also had a choice to make. Her and I didn’t last either. We had unrepairable fundamental differences. I don’t think I ever respected her the same and I think that’s tied to my view on life. With the first girl mentioned here, i don’t think she saw it as a big deal that she was kind of letting it be known she was protecting herself from pregnancy while away despite her wishes that we try and stay together. I guess that was a fundamental difference in how I view relationships and honestly, I don’t think I should have to pay for her to go and be with other people. That’s a choice she makes and should be responsible for. Likewise, if people feel obligation to their beliefs and find things like Plan B not compatible with their belief systems they should not be forced to comply.


About this entry